Life Lessons: SuperMom
by Tara Moore
Have you ever felt God’s nudge? Well, lately I’ve felt God nudging me to share my experience as a working mother. We have all read plenty of articles about the latest version of how to be a supermom and how to organize your entire house in one weekend! Yet none talk about the everyday internal struggles working moms have. I want to share the struggles I have faced, because I know I’m not alone and that a lot of women are experiencing the same thing.
Whether or not to work is a choice all mothers (and their husbands) must make, and it wasn’t an easy one for me. There is no one answer for all women, and we made a decision that was right for me and my family. I struggled for about a year after my first son was born on what God wanted me to do, and when Drew was a year old, God gave me an awesome opportunity to work at SIU. The job I was offered was working for another working mother who completely understood that I would need to be off to care for my kids from time to time. She was great about giving me flexibility so I didn’t have to choose ‘work or family’. Even after I started in the job I’m sure God provided me, I still felt twinges of guilt when I heard of other mothers staying home with their kids. What I finally realized, after lots of prayer, was the guilt I felt was not from God. I allowed myself to feel guilty because I felt like others thought I should not be working. I let what others thought of me cloud what God wanted me to do.
Once I accepted that I was supposed to be a working mom, things should have been great. But something was still wrong. I had what has been called the Super Mom Syndrome. I felt like I should be able to do it all and I would get upset and feel the anger rise when I wasn’t able to follow through. Society has determined that working women can and should keep a spotless house, prepare a healthy dinner every night, have perfectly disciplined children that are always clean and well-mannered, have all laundry done and folded daily, and the list goes on and on!. There are not enough hours in my day to do all those things! I was finally able to see what God was showing me. He had given me help! He provided me a husband who helps with household chores. He also gave me female friends within the Vine who support me. If I had tried to keep it all under control and not been transparent, if I hadn’t shared my struggles with other women at the Vine who go through the same thing, I would not have made it.
When I’m grouchy because my house isn’t as clean as I think it should be, or laundry isn’t put away, or toys are everywhere, I try to re-focus on the one who gives me strength. Jesus never gives me more than I can take, and has blessed me beyond my wildest expectations. Jesus reminds me to laugh instead of cry when our mornings are crazy. He reminds me to read a bedtime story instead of folding the laundry. And if I can stop and listen to Him, He also tells me to lower my voice, and take 5 minutes to explain something to my child, rather than barking out an order. It’s not always easy for me to relax with the kids when there’s work to be done, but it’s what I’m called to do. Having a clean house should not be my focus.
My primary role is to be a wife and mother, but God has also called me to make a difference in my workplace. Sometimes I fail, but Jesus gives me the grace and mercy of a new day. It is a constant juggling act to find a balance between time for myself, my children, my husband, and spending time with other women in the church. I have found that when God sets up an opportunity to spend time with another woman from the Vine, or when I get up early to pray and start my day off with God, I am always amazed that I have more patience, compassion, and love for my family than if I hadn’t done it at all.
Proverbs 31 talks about the wife of noble character. She provided food for her family, buys and plants a field, speaks wisdom, etc. If you read on, she doesn’t do it alone, she has help. In v.30, the author writes about the most important part, “…but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” If I can keep my eyes on Jesus the rest will fall into place. Will I still struggle to have enough patience with my children, to fix healthy dinners, struggle to get the housework done? Yes, but God will give me the strength if I keep my focus on Him.